By Jason A. Collins

Stoned Owl Productions 2002

Disclaimer - This story is not intended for those who are under the age of 18.

while not containing sex, yiffing, or any other fun stuff, it is still an adult-themed story.

Author's Note - My fondest dream... and one of my worst nightmares. All rolled into one!

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Mel rushed quickly home fom work that day, the back of his car crammed with odds and ends.

He worked parttime down at a small magic shop on Grand Avenue. His boss, a fellow named Fozzie, was a nice enough person. He let Mel take home whatever was in the store at a great discount.

And Mel used that to his advantage greatly. As he pulled the numerous bags and boxes from the car, he took a closer look at one of them. It was a small, stuffed toy fox. He smiled, and went into the apartment building with his packages.

He carried them up the three flights of stairs to his apartment without too much difficulty. He was fit, but not too fit; he had to stop for breath halfway up.

Inside his apartment, he dropped the items down on the floor, and went to the fridge for a beer.

He popped it open, and took a long swig. Putting it down on a counter, he set to work in the living room with his new toys.

The first thing he pulled from the pile was a large book, a very old looking one.

He set that down, and resumed rummaging through the pile.

Many magical objects found their way into a smaller, seperate pile. The stuffed fox was set on top of Mel's TV set, so it could survey all of the room.

After an hour or so, Mel had everything set up perfectly. He took the last item, a small wrapped box, and opened it. This package wasn't from the magic shop, but was from a sex shop downtown, one that specialized in custom orders.

He pulled a long, limp form from the box, and smoothed it out on the floor in front of him. It was just as he had ordered. A rubber balloon vixen.

He attached a small pump to the balloon, and began to inflate it. It took shape slowly, filling out to it's normal shape. After a minute or so, it was full.

He looked at it with an appreciative gaze. It looked so much like the one from the dreams he always had at night. A short muzzle, attractive, sky blue-painted eyes, short, pointy ears, and a long tail.

'The folks at that sex shop must have strained a few brain cells to make this,' Mel thought.

It was perfect.

Mel set it down gently on the floor, and picked up the large, old book from before. Carefully, he began to read through it.

After a few minutes, he found what he wanted. A spell that would give the toy before him life!

He took all of the necessary things from the pile. A few candles. Some incense. A cookie. Oops! He took the cookie, obviously left over from lunch, and ate it.

He lit the candles and incense, and made ready to invoke the spell.

He sat cross legged in front of the balloon, and began to read from the book.

"Ali babah, coca colah, mitsubisheee..." (alright, so I'm not good writing spells, sue me.)

After two minutes of nonstop chanting, he stopped to take a breather. He got up, and grabbed his beer, which had by that time gone warm. He took a swig, and made a face.

"Should start to work anytime now..." he muttered.

Indeed, something was happening. A slight breeze began to blow through the apartment.

Mel shut the window.

Besides that, nothing.

"Damn."

He set his flat beer back down, and sat down in front of the baloon-vixen again. Again, he went through the entire chant.

And again, still nothing. He sighed, and gave up for the moment. He blew out the candles, and stood up.

As he did so, however, he noticed something strange. The smoke from the extinguished candles was twirling up into a spiral, something Mel had never seen a candle do before. The smoke from the incense, too, began to act wierdly. The spiral of smoke seemed to build, growing into a cloud, hovering five feet from the floor. There was a little flash of light from inside the cloud, and then a miniature clap of thunder.

Just as Mel began to go for his umbrella (the cloud REALLY looked like a raincloud ready to pour), a deep voice spoke.

"WHO DARES TO INVOKE THE PRESENCE OF ME, THE GREAT AND OMNIPOTENT GENIE?"

"Huh?"

"I SAID, WHO DARES TO.." the voice was cut off, and a fit of coughing could be heard.

"I said... *HACK* who dares... *WHEEZE* to invoke... aww fuck this shit!"

The cloud dissipated, and a little red-skinned man fell to the floor. He sat there for a minute, coughing more, as Mel stared in disbelief.

After the couging fit, the little red man stood. Arms crossed, he spoke, not in the deep voice from before, but a higher, squeakier voice.

"What do you want?" He asked, in an annoyed tone.

"Who the hell are you?" Mel cried. This was getting a little too wierd for him, truth be told.

"I'm the genie! You know, genie, three wishes, blah blah blah?"

"Genie? I didn't invoke a genie!"

"Damn strait you did. Now, I know your first wish. Buit not your last two."

"Well, I guess I'd have to think about that..." Mel muttered. Freaked out or not, Mel was determined to get the most out of this!"

"Well, You know that I want this balloon to have life. As for my second, I want to be able to be with her forever. You know, never die. And third, to never have to worry about anything ever again."

"That's it?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. That's easy. One, two, three. It's done."

Mel looked at the balloon on the floor. Nothing seemed to have happened.

"Nothing happened! You sure that it worked?"

"Of course I'm sure. Look!"

Mel looked back to the balloon again. It was moving! Not by a current of air or anything else, but by itself!

He knelt before the balloon, and watched as a spark of life twinkled into her eyes. A few seconds later, he heard a soft sigh escape her lips.

"Yes! Woooohoooo!" Mel cried, jumping up and dancing around the room.

"Good, I'm so glad," the genie said after Mel's little one-man party subsided,

"Now, for my payment."

"Payment? What?"

"Yes, yes, payment. My cookie."

"Your cookie.... aww shit!"

"What, no cookie?" If it had been possible, Mel could have sworn that the little red man's skin turned even redder.

"Wait, I think there's a cookie around here somewhere.."

Mel jusmped up, and ran into the kitchen. Meanwhile, the balloon vixen sat up, and rubbed her eyes.

"Wha? What happened?" She asked sleepily.

From the kitchen there were the noises of cupboards slamming, a few dished crashing too the floor, and things being knowcked over willy nilly.

After a few minutes, Mel came back holding a large container.

"My cookie?" the genie asked.

"Ummm, well, I don't have any cookies right now, but I have a whole bowl of hard candy..."

"No cookie? NO COOKIE?"

"Oh oh." Mel said, dropping the bowl of candy to the floor.

A puff of steam shot from the genie's ears.

And with a puff, he was gone.

Mel sat down on the couch, and sighed. Without the cookie, the genie surely would have taken back the magic. Which meant that his rubbery vixen lover would no longer be alive.

He reached into a pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He lit one, and took a deep drag from it.

"Careful; with that, you don't want to burn a hole in me, do you?"

Mel glanced at the couch beside him, which had evidently just spoken to him.

He saw the vixen-balloon, curled up on the couch next to him.

She lifted her head and winked. "Well, do you?"

Mel dropped the cigarette to the floor. After a few seconds of brain freeze, he quickly grabbed it and put it into an ashtray.

"You... you're alive!"

"Yes, I am."

"But the cookie..."

"Forget the cookie. I just want to know where I am and who you are. And why I'm so cold..."

"Cold?" Of course. She was made of rubber, and couldn't create her own heat.

"Freezing."

Mel took her in his arms. "I think I can keep you warm, my love."

She smiled at him.

He smiled back.

Their lips drew closer to each other, and they were about to kiss when...

"Hey! HEY! OVER HERE! GET ME DOWN!"

Mel and his vixen looked up. The source of the voice could not be seen.

"OVER HERE!"

Mel looked around more, and then set his gaze on the TV. The stuffed fox apparently wanted to get off of the TV. Wait a minute, that didn't make any sense!

Mel stood, and moved over to the set. He looked closer at the toy fox there.

It reached out and swatted his nose with a paw.

"GET ME OFFA HERE!"

"Okay, okay, jeez!" Mel cried, picking up the toy and setting it down on the floor.

"Ahh, that's so much better," the toy said, stretching.

"How the hell are you talking? Or moving?" Mel demanded.

"Same way as the balloon over there," the fox said, shrugging it's shoulders, "the genie!"

"Genie... damn."

Mel thought about it. According to the rules of genies that he'd heard, genies could grant almost any wish. Except for bring people back from the dead, or kill people. Or force emotions in someone. But that was according to Disney and Robin Williams. But it probably applied in real life too.

So the genie gave his balloon lover life, but couldn't take it away. So the next bit of revenge would be to cause havoc all voer the place.

So the genie made the stuffed fox alive too? What kind of havoc was that?

"I'm hungry," a little voice said.

Mel turned to the door to his bedroom, to see a small stuffed mouse moving towards him.

A few seconds later, it was followed by a stuffed giraffe, elephant, bear, and the rest of his stuffed animal collection.

Surrounded by walking, talking toys, Mel said the first thing that came to his mind.

"Oh shit."

The balloon vixen draped an arm over his shoulder.

"Problem?"

"Yeah. A big one."

There was a knock at the door. Mel moved towards it, but a tall, stuffed anteater beat him to it.

The animal opened the door, and Mel saw his friend Greg.

"Greg!" Mel cried, "Get in here and shut the door!"

Greg stepped inside, and was promptly punced on by roughly twenty or so living plush animals.

"Ack!" Greg cried, from under the pile.

"I think they like you," Mel said, helping his friend out from under the mound of squirming

animals.

"What the hell is going on here?" Greg demanded.

Mel started to explain the situation. As he did, he could see the balloon-vixen sneaking up behind Greg.

She tapped Greg on the shoulder, and he spun around, locking eyes with her. She grinned, baring her rubbery teeth.

"AAAAHHHHH!!!!" Greg cried, scrambling away. He tripped over one of the smaller animals scurrying aroudn the floor, and fell flat on his face.

Within moments, he was pounced on by the same plushies that had gotten him before.

Again, Mel helped his friend to his feet.

Then he had to go comfort his new lover. She was crying.

"There, it's okay," he said.

She looked into his eyes. "You sure?" she asked softly.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Hey Greg!"

Greg shot him a confused look. "What?"

"Get over here, and don't scream your head off this time!

Greg carefully made his way over to the couple.

"Greg, this is, ummm, well, I have'nt given her a name yet. She's perfectly harmless."

"Hi," she said, shyly.

"Ummm, hello," Greg replied.

"What *is* my name?" The vixen asked.

"Oh gee, ummm, er..." Mel said, thinking.

"How about Fara?" Greg said, "You've always liked that name, haven't you?"

Mel chuckled. His favorite StarFox character. "Oh yeah."

The vixen smiled. "I'll be Fara, then!"

A knock at the door. This time, it was answered by Greg.

Another one of Mel's friends, Bob stood there, staring into the crowded room.

"Come in, Bob," Mel said, with a sigh.

Bob came in, carefully stepping over the animals.

"You won't believe what's going on outside!" Bob cried, "It's crazy!"

"What? What's going on?" Mel asked, as Fara snuggled up against him on the couch.

"Animals! Stuffed animals running all over the building!" I got attacked by a full-grown stuffed tiger on my way up here!"

"WHAT? Oh shit!"

Mel stood, and ran to the door. He opened it a crack, and looked out.

The first thing he saw, was his neighbor, Jerri being dragged from her apartment by, evidently, the same tiger that had gone after Bob.

"Hey!" Mel yelled, rushing over, "Let her go!"

The tiger released her leg from it's mouth, and ran away down the stairs. A loud "screw you!" could be heard from the retreating cat.

Mel pushed Jerri inside his apartment, where she collapsed on the floor.

"Dammit, guys, we have to stop this!" Bob said.

"How?" Greg asked.

"The genie!" Mel exclaimed, "The gienie is the only one who can fix this!"

"What genie?" Bob asked, confused.

"Never mind. I need to invoke the spell again! But I don't have any more of the right incense!"

"Incense? Invoke?" Bob asked, scratching his head.

"Ummm, Mel?" Jerri asked.

Mel turned to her, and saw that she was covered in animals.

"Don't worry Jerri, they won't hurt you. I think they're just trying to get warm."

"I don't mind. Aww, they're trying to cuddle!"

Mel smiled. At least one person liked this scenario.

Turning back to Bob and Greg, he said "Okay. We need to get over to the magic shop, get the incense, and get back here quick as possibl. I'll do that. And Bob, I have a simple job for you."

Bob shrugged. "What? Go home and get my gun?"

"No, stupid. I need you to go to the IGA and pick up a box of cookies!"

"Cookies?"

"Yes, cookies!"

"Alright, cookies... what kind?"

"I don't know.. chocolate chip!"

"Make that MNM cookies!" Greg added.

"Whatever," Mel said, heading for the refrigerator.

"Grab my backpack from the closet!" he called to Greg.

"What for?"

"Just grab it, and get over here!"

As Mel dug through the fridge, Fara came to his side.

"Anything you need me to do, love?" she asked, resting a paw on his shoulder.

"Yes. I know this isn't what I had in mind for the first few hours since I met you, and it ins'nt very romantic, but.."

"Yes?"

"I need you to stay here, and make sure Jerri's okay. Don't let all those other animals smother her or anything."

Fara grinned. "I can do that."

"Great. Thank you so much. We'll, uhh, have some time to ourselves after this little problem is fixed.

"Ooo! Goodie!" The vixen exclaimed, smiling.

Greg plopped the backpack down next to Mel, as Fara went back into the living room to confront Jerri. A few seconds later, a scream from both Jerri and Bob were heard.

Mel popped his head around the corner. "It's okay, she's just.." his jaw dropped.

The large tiger had pushed the door open, which had been left open a tiny crack.

And it was zeroing in on his lover, Fara.

"Well, now's the time to see whether this works or not.." he muttered, rushing back to the fridge.

He pulled a package of hot dogs from it, and ran back to the living room.

"Here you go, big guy!" He yelled, tossing a hot dog at the tiger.

It hit the tiger in the side, and the animal stopped to sniff at it. Then eat it.

Mel tossed the whole package out the door, and the tiger followed it. Mel slammed the door shut behind the plushie.

"Whew!" Mel sighed.

He went back to the kitchen, and filled his backpack up with all the portable food he could find. Hot dogs, lunch meat, bread, even a half dozen chocolate cupcakes.

Come on, you guys," he said, as he headed for the door.

"Wait," Fara said. She gave Mel a quick kiss on the cheek. "Good luck, love," she whispered in his ear.

Mel blushed. "Thanks." And went out the door.

Greg and Bob followed, and that left Fara, Jerri, and thirty or so stuffed animals in the apartment.

Fara sat down next to Jerri. The human cringed away from the living balloon.

"Don't be scared, I won't hurt you," Fara said softly.

"I'm not scared, it's just that.. everything is so weird, and..." Jerri broke into tears,

and Fara embraced her in a big rubbery hug.

Meanwhile, on the second floor, The trio was surrounded and Mel was out of food.

"Shit! Now what?" Greg hissed at Mel.

"Like I know?" Mel responded.

Then, a door burst open nearby, and Mrs. Greentree ran out, screaming. She was followed by a group of beanie babies, and her dog Max.

Mel had an idea. A cruel one, but an idea nonetheless.

"Max! Here boy! C'mere, Max!"

The dog ran up to mel, and jumped up into his arms. The little shi-tzu recognized Mel from the many walks Mel had taken the little dog on.

Get 'em, Max!" Mel cried, setting the dog down and pointing at the stuffed animals.

Max made a little "erf?" sound, and walked closer to the plushies.

He came up to a little stuffed cat, and began to growl at it.

The cat let out a little meow, and began to purr at Max! One by one, all the animals surrounded the little dog, and soon, there was a giant cuddle-fest in the middle of the second floor.

This gave Mel and the others time enough to make it to the garage.

Mel tossed a set of keys to Bob. "Here! You and Greg take the car!"

Bob frowned. "How are you getting to the magic shop?"

"Don't worry. I can get there."

Bob and Greg got into the car, and they sped away towards the grocery store.

Mel dug another set of keys from his pocket, and pulled a tarp off of something small in the corner of the garage.

He put the key into the ignition of the vehicle, and it's engine whined to life.

He took a step back for a moment to gaze at the moped, his most prized posession.

It wasn't so just beacuse he had built it from scratch, no. The pride came in the paint job.

Along each side, in big red letters, was the word 'kitsune', and a drawing of a nude, anthro vixen. The plate on the machine said 'FOXY1.'

He got on the moped, and backed it out of the garage. He gunned the engine, and kicked up a small cloud of dust from the apartment's gravel driveway. (yes, this apartment had a gravel driveway.)

He opened up the throttle, the small 30cc engine doing the best it could to bet him there in a hurry.

The machine topped out at about 35 or so, plenty fast enough to get him to the magic shop in no time.

He rushed into the shop, Fozzie giving him a strange look.

"You're not on shift till tomorrow, kid," the aging shopkeeper said.

"Sorry, Fozzie, no time to talk. I need some incense, and I need it now!"

"What kind?"

"The same kind I got today just before I left."

"You mean the... hey, you didn't do what I think you did, did you?"

"Yes, I used that spell that I found in the old book. I did it wrong, and it summoned a genie."

"Genie, eh? Was he little, with red skin? And coughed a lot?"

"Yeah, that's him."

"Well then, I take it you didn't give him a cookie, did you?"

"No, but I did offer him some hard candy."

"Boy, did you make a mistake! He hates candy. You must have made him real mad."

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Go back home. I'll meet you there with what you need to fix whatever he did."

"Okay. I'll see you there."

As Mel went out the door, he called to Fozzie, "Make sure you bring a lot of hot dogs!"

Back at the apartment's garage, Bob and Greg were waiting.

"Where the hell is he?" Greg wondered.

A humming was heard, and then Mel pulled the moped up to the garage.

Greg whistled. "Nice paint job," he said.

"Yeah. You know how I am about furs."

"Yeah, I know."

"Let's get upstairs."

"Small prblem with that, Mel."

"What problem?"

"All of the animals seem to be on the first floor. The oscar meyer company itself couldn't have enough hot dogs to get us through there."

"Alright then...." Mell thought quickly.

"Aha! The fire escape!"

"Fire escape? This thing has a fire escape?"

"Well, sort of. It's my own personal fire escape. Gimme your cell phone."

Greg handed over the phone, and Mel dialed his own apartment. After a few rings, Jerri answered.

"Jerri! It's Mel! We're outside. I need you to go into the guest bedroom, and open the window. Then take the coiled up ladder next to the window and throw it down to us, okay?"

After a few seconds, he hung the phone up.

"Let's go wait by the window."

After a few seconds of waiting, the ladder was thrown from the window, uncoiling as it fell.

Mel grabbed the end of it, and gave it a good yank. It held.

The trio climed up the side of the building, and into the window.

"What's going on? Jerri asked when they were inside.

"Fozzie's on his way. He should be here soon..." Mel was interupted by a knock at the door..

"Who the hell?" Mel wondered aloud, making his way to the door. He opened it, and there stood Fozzie, holding the little red genie. By his shorts, apparently. The little man looked like he was suffering from a monsterous wedgie.

"Put me down, old man! I'll turn you into a toadstool!"

"I found this little fellow laughing his head off downstairs. Once I nabbed him, all the animals left me alone."

"Great. Bob, give me the cookies."

The genie's head perked up. "Cookies?"

Mel held the box out to the genie. The little man grabbed for it, but Mel pulled it away.

"Not until you fix this."

"Oh, alright then. I'll put all the animals back to normal, except for the ones that have real life in them."

"Good. Do that. And leave my vixen lover alone."

"Wait," Jerri said, "Can I ask for something? I've got plenty of cookies in my apartment."

The genie sighed. "Well, as long as I'm not going anywhere, and my underwear is cutting me in half, I suppose."

"Good. I want a vixen too. Just like Fara. She was so nice to me. I kind of.. like her."

"Jerri?" Bob asked, shocked.

Mel chuckled. he knew that Bob had a crush on Jerri something fierce.

"I suppose I could do that," the genie said, "anything else?"

"Yeah," Greg chimed in, "I want a moped as sweet as his!"

"Fine! Fine! No more! No more requests! I'll do these things, but then I'm taking my cookie and going!"

"Good. Then do it."

The genie snapped his fingers, and everything was back to normal. Almost.

Normal except for the fact that Fara was hugging Mel, Jerri was baing hugged by what looked like Fara's twin sister, and Greg was hugging a new, shiny moped with a picture of a nude squirrel on the side.

"I'll take my cookie now."

Mel pulled a cookie from the box and handed it to the genie.

The genie jumped up and down happilly, and dissapeared with a puff of smoke.

"Well, that's that, I guess." Mel sighed.

"Yeah," Bob said, holding up the rest of the box, "Who wants a cookie?"

Everyone grabbed one, and began eating. Except for the balloon vixens, who were waiting until later to get 'something' to eat.

Mel looked at his half-eaten cookie. Something sparked in his mind.

"Shit. Fozzie? You said that little bugger hated candy, right?"

"Yeah. Especially MNMs."

"What? Oh shit."

Fozzie looked down at his cookie too, at the little red, yellow, green, blue, and brown chocolate candies that were baked into it...

Mel could only think of one thig to say as he heard all the lifeless toys begin to stir again.

"Damn."

END? I DONT THINK SO.

Author's note II - I especially like how I used my own apartment building and neigbors in this story.

It kind of gives me a sense of knowing the characters, you know? And yes, I did

build a moped from scratch a few years back, but never painted it. JAC.